BE KIND TO YOURSELF: BE YOUR NUMBER ONE CHOICE!

THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON IN THIS LIFE YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH AND THAT IS YOURSELF.

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I have been obsessed with dreaming big and yet I still let my feelings control me. A lot of people love me but I’m still trying to find my place in the world.

When I start to doubt myself, I take myself back to the night I woke my dad up and told him, I want to move away. Away to where? Away to the unknown, to a place where I can leave deep footprints on the beaches of Southern California, to the unknown where a boy playing with Barbie dolls is not seen as a disease and where falling in love with yourself is the beginning of discovering who you are.

And so it was time to make damn sure to take care of myself first before allowing others to take care of me.

I jumped onto the iron bird and flew half way across the world with only 500 US dollars in my left pocket because in my right pocket, I had a polaroid of what I was about to leave behind – a family that stood by me, brought joy into my life and allowed me to see truth. I will be eternally thankful to them because not once in the midst of all the struggles of trying to GROW through the unknown and experiencing homesickness, have they told me to give up on my dreams.

Fast-forward 20 years and I’m struggling with time and the idea that I’ve not dreamed big enough. I just woke up in yet another ‘unknown’ but I’ve now cured “the disease” and have been accepted as that gay man who has left deep footprints on a hundred or so beaches, fallen in love with others but who still wrestles with the idea of being kind to himself.

How many of us put others first and then forget about ourselves and blame our families, friends or jobs for not having achieved those big dreams? I do! I’m no guru but it’s time to “GROW THE F*CK UP” and take the first steps towards self-responsibility in order to allow myself to keep growing and understanding my own actions and feelings.

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care”, Buddha said.

A good way to start is to imagine how would we speak to a close friend who is experiencing failure or disappointment. We would listen to them, and then encourage them to lift their spirits and not to box their feelings. We would tell them to not take themselves too seriously. Being kind to ourselves starts when we allow ourselves to be our own best friend and when we speak with kindness and in a gentle tone.

We must try to love ourselves without exception or condition and to remember to forgive ourselves when consumed by negative attributes like anger and envy. Love all the negatives and mistakes you find within yourself. The next time your boss makes you feel worthless, your colleague shares a secret or your love interest ghosts you, speak to yourself with kindness and without judgement.

Yes, I know! It’s a big shift and probably won’t happen overnight because we have been conditioned to be this way for years but let’s give it a go... let’s try to be warm and loving, and surround ourselves with good people as well as moving on from the disappointments of the past. Let’s let go of expectations.

One of my besties who I don’t get to see very often but we continue to stay in touch, recently wrote to me post-GROW: “Everything that happens to us and the people who have been sent onto our path, momentarily or everlasting, have been added into our lives for a purpose. Take the positives and the lessons and carry them forward.”

Be your number one choice and when you struggle please share; maybe we can both GROW together.

Welcome to your Homemade Happiness xo